our love, our loss, our gain / Sarah Waldin-Wheatland (friend) To three little boys who will never become men ... the world missed out on your love, your laughter and your smiles - we miss and mourn what the future can now never hold. Thank you for coming to remind us of the important things in life. You will not be forgotten.
Sent to me by Jules (Thanks Jules) / Sophie Smith (mummy)
Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there, I do not sleep I am a thousand winds that blow I am the diamond's glint on snow I am the sunlight on ripened grain I am the autumn's gentle rain When you waken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight I am the soft stars that shine at night Do not stand at my grave and cry I am not there I did not die (author unknown from the Makah tribe)
'A Pair of Shoes' (Author Unknown) / Sophie Smith (Mummy) I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them. I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off. I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am. I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
A poem: Mummy, by Terry R Knights (found on the internet) / Sophie Smith (Mummy)
If it were possible to speak to you There's so much we'd want to say. We'd smile at you and love you In our very own special way.
Please do not be sad, Mummy, Don't give up in despair, 'Cause we'll always be in your heart, For you we'll always be there.
But we're in heaven now, Mummy, And its not really such a bad place, As there's lots and lots of people Of every creed, colour and race.
So, on each and every birthday, Special events and Mothers Day too, Know in your heart we're smiling, And loving you, honestly, true.
Most of all be happy, Mummy, Please go on and live for me. It's so very important that you do, 'Caus its through your eyes we'll see.
Sent to me by Jo Burden. Thanks, Jo! / Sophie Smith (Mummy) May you always have 3 angels by your side Watching out for you Helping you believe in brigher days and in dreams come true, Giving you comfort and courage. Someone to catch you if you fall Inspiring smiles Holding your hand and helping you through it all. May you always have 3 angels by your side.
A poem written by Alexis. Thank you Lek xx / Sophie Smith (beloved Mummy )
The three boys slipped out of their bodies like cicadas leaving their shells. They felt themselves being drawn upwards back into the arms of the Eternal Mother. Higher and higher the spirit boys rose, hearts opening ever wider. Henry laughed as he remembered that he was joy, Evan grinned as he remembered that he was love, and Jasper smiled as he remembered that they were all eternal. Once home they held hands and looking down at their earth mother they chorused,
"We are the very light that surrounds you and we will love you always."
Thank you / Judith Lynch (School friend of Sophie's ) You are an inspiration to those of us who have so much and yet we take it for granted. Thank you for touching our lives and sharing your mourning - I will pray for you both and your baby boys in heaven.
Much love to you all / Jess Dunn (second cousin ) Dearest Sophie,
I had a dream about your three beautiful boys, last week. They were playing and having a blast, at a farm somewhere. Jasper was chatting away to someone. They were all happy - it was a beautiful dream.
You are all in my thoughts. All my love, Jess xxxx
Family/ Celia Dunn (Second cousin ) He floats away, most tender child Though pain was there, his air was mild I longed to meet him, to see him grow To see the joy he would bestow
Despite kind words it’s hard to see Just how cruel some lives can be I’m humbled by the strength you’ve shown In darkest grief with all hope flown
The only comfort I can find Is in the love he left behind Seek courage in the guarantee: You will always be a family
Sophie- A Beautiful Mother / Amanda Gardiner (friend of Sophie ) The tears have been flowing as I have read your beautiful words Sophie. What a beautiful mother you are. Henry, Jasper and Evan are so blessed to have a mother as gentle and loving as you. I pray that you will feel the love of your little boys around you each day and that yours and Ash's grief will eventually fade in time. Know that you are in our hearts this Christmas. May God truly bless you, Ash and all of your family and may your little band of brothers be at peace in their heavenly home.
Love Amanda and Damien Gardiner
Memories/ Sara Strover (We met at New Hall School ) Dear Sophie
We met at Owen House, New Hall in 1980/1? I remember meeting you vividly, being really scared, having just seen my cubicle and as I was coming out, there you were coming out from the opposite cubicle. I remember us chatting and finding out that we shared a birthday, which wasn't that long ago and I send you the happiest birthday wishes.
I've just read your story, Sophie, I wish we were a lot closer as I'd give you a hug, but it's so inadequate.
I just wanted you to know even after all this time, around the time of our birthdays - you are in my thoughts and prayers.
With my love
video of Jasper / Sophie Smith (Mummy) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMgJe73QSd4
Your beautiful boys make a difference every day. / Natalie Vinton (Friend)
I was thinking of your boys on Saturday and decided that the best thing I could do would be to donate to the Trust Fund as I have been intending to do since the run in Mei. I donate for three main reasons:
1. To remember the bravery of your boys
2. In honour of you and Ashley and everything you have done to raise much needed funds for the hospital; and
3. As thanks to the Neonatal Ward for everything they do to save babies and to try and save babies. Without you my son would not be here.
I hope to see you soon and will be in touch in the next couple of weeks as I've missed you.
Love Natalie xoxo
From a mother / Alison Steel I read your memoriam in the Daily Telegraph today and was inspired to find out more.
My heart goes out to you
Condolence/ Annie Clark (friend) Dear Sophie and partner, I picked up your leaflet at Fitness First and was very touched by your story. It moved me to tears. I'm so sorry for your loss. This website in their memory is really lovely.
I just gave birth to my son, who had to spend some time in the special care nursery due to dehydration, so I can empathise somewhat with your experience. I'd like to run the half marathon in Henry, Jasper and Evan's honour and help raise money for other tiny babies. Please send me further information on how I can do this.
Be strong, have courage, hang in there.
Warm regards, Annie
Premature Babies / Margaret Dunn (No relation - work at a Catholic School ) My sincerest condolences to you and your husband. I thought the webiste was beautiful and really touched my heart as I went through a similar experience to you 18 years ago at Royal Women's at Paddington with our son. Fortunately and with the fantastic help from all the staff our son survived after 102 days in hospital. He was born at 26 weeks and had to have several operations - including heart and lungs. I can understand some of the roller coaster emotions you must have gone through but can never imagine the final goodbye. Good luck to both of you and my prayers go with you.
Such beautiful and moving pictures - Thank you / Carolyn Grady (School mate of mother ) Sophie:
We learned of your joy and sadness through the New Hall newsletter. Thank you for sharing the story of Henry, Evan and Jasper. The pictures are beautiful and very moving. We wish you, your husband and family every future joy and happiness -- while you also treasure these wonderful memories.
Neonatal unit / Georgie Bridge (friend) Hi Sophie
I just went and had a look at the website you created. What an epic journey you've been on. I understand better your need for time to grieve and come to terms with your difficult loss. I'm so sorry.
I only went to a premmy baby ward once, a few years back, sourcing props, of all things, so not related to any one baby in particular. I remember clearly how I felt leaving that ward: a sense of awe and admiration at the nurses who worked there and an overwhelming, all-pervading panic looking at these tiny little dots in cots. I felt this bubbling up need to cry from feeling totally unable to help in any way, which really defeated me.
I think you have been incredibly brave, and I hope you can find some peace in having enjoyed their lives, albeit for such a very short time.
Sending love and healing
Condolences/ Treena Nelson (No Relation- FF Member ) I was directed to your website from the Fitness First Newsletter. My heart broke as I looked through your website and the tears fell. I'm so very sorry for your losses. I can't imagine your pain. I sincerely wish you all the best for the future.
Condolences/ Victoria And Catherine Dear Sophie and Ash, We found your leaflet at Fitness First. We are so touched and moved by your sons. Thank-you for sharing your beautiful boys with us. Lots of Love Victoria and Catherine.